The government balloon

I heard the government jet was in bad shape; on boulders most of the time, with the hood open.

It’s like an old banger from a tractor I had – only I got rid of it.

I imagine there are a lot of headaches when it comes to fixing the old jug.

An airplane that spends most of its time on the ground can hardly be called an airplane.

Only for the fact that it has wings, you probably wouldn’t know what it was.

The best thing the government could do would be to exchange it.

But with all the negative talk surrounding it, I doubt it’s too much now on DoneDeal.

I heard it flying over the farm a few months ago.

I strongly believe it was the government plane as it was blowing smoke like nobody needed it. This scared the lives of the cattle, sending some over the boundary ditch.

He circled the farm several times…probably looking for a safe place to make an emergency landing.

But seeing that every inch of this farm is covered in either gorse bush or a rocky outcrop, the pilot wisely decided not to move and eventually he worked the horizon.

“That plane,” I said to the cattle as it belched and turned in the sky, “Surely it must be the government plane – for only a minister would travel through such a pile of flying trash.”

The best thing one could do with the plane right now would be to polish it up quickly, put a set of new molds under it, and sell it to someone like Russian President Putin. Tell him, “It’s a mighty yoke to ride.”

And once he’s gone, and good riddance, might I add, would the government ever consider something like a hot air balloon as an alternative?

I have great authority that hot air ballooning, provided it doesn’t burst, of course, is a great way to travel.

Made famous many years ago by Phileas Fogg and his valet who used a balloon to great effect when they ventured around the world. They are said to have circumnavigated the globe in just eighty days.

I believe such a mode of transportation would be ideal for our energy-conscious leaders.

With the amount of hot air generated at Leinster House this week alone, the thing might even be fueling.

No need to worry about traffic, no need to worry about airports, no need to worry about anything.

Just up, up and away, in any part of the world.

Imagine the Taoiseach arriving in the plowing fields of Laois next September by hot air balloon. It would be the talk of the place.

All we would need would be a patch of unploughed land for him to land comfortably.

The president could also travel with him in the wicker basket – there would be plenty of room for him and his dogs.

The Tullamore Show is also easily accessible by air.

Floating to see the main stock and floating again once the judging is over, then onto Brussels or somewhere to catch the Ambassador’s Ball.

I tell you, when it comes to travel, the world is yours with hot air ballooning.

I can see politicians around the country lining up to use it, because they know the value of hot air better than anyone.